sabinelagrande: (Default)
[personal profile] sabinelagrande
This post is definitely NSFW, for large images with swear words on them. It is, however, hopefully pretty damn funny. So forgive me. Or don't!

For the dirty talk square on my Kink Bingo card, allow me to present:

A cross stitch sampler that says 'cocksucker' in big letters, complete with spurting dicks

The same cross stitch on a black canvas

How to talk dirty to everyone who enters your home:

1. Download handy instructions. The chart includes DMC colors, though please feel free to use your own and adjust accordingly. Ignore the "Finished Size" entry, which has never made any sense to me. At 14ct/inch this should be approximately bookmark size, maybe 3"x6". If the PDF is not appearing properly, zoom in- 125% seems to be the sweet spot on my monitor. Don't forget the come, as it may not be easy to see at lower magnifications. You may also want to try alternate canvas colors to make it show up better.

2. Cross stitch according to usual directions. Here's a tutorial on how to do cross stitches, which is what the border is made of, and here's one on how to back stitch, which covers all of the stitches you'll need for this particular sampler. Easy as pie.

3. Wash and frame cross stitch. I prefer a more minimalist black frame, but for something this simple, a more fancy frame may be called for.

4. Place cross stitch in plain view of front door. Choose a location where the cross stitch will be attractively placed among other wall hangings and furniture. Insure line of sight by stepping out of and back into your front door and checking to make sure you are able to see the cross stitch.

5. (Optional) Take cross stitch down when not appropriate. Remember that not all your friends, family, neighbors, and local delivery personnel appreciate being called cocksuckers and/or the implication that you yourself are a cocksucker- the cross stitch is really ambiguous- and they may not wish to be dirty talked to in this fashion. In situations where you believe someone would not consent to this kind of dirty talk, take down the cross stitch, and instead ask, "Would you like to see my cocksucker cross stitch? Sabine taught me how to make it."

Alternately, make it into a bookmark and talk dirty to yourself. You may find it more rewarding.

And that is that! Please, enjoy.

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