Some silliness I forgot

[sabinelagrande]

1. So I was watching The Long Goodbye with my mom, and we're looking at Weir and Caldwell, and she turns to me and she goes, "Everything they say to each other sounds sexual."

I pretty sure my mom was a fangirl in another life.

2. This is pretty much my ultimate Teyla song.

I still haven't found an excuse to call a story "All the Yellow Roses", but I need to.

3.
sabinelagrande (2:28:05 AM): ...I want to see Daddy Jack ranting in front of the stargate about "I'M NOT PAYING TO AIR CONDITION ALL OF M3X-774"
arymabeth (2:28:19 AM): ...
arymabeth (2:28:21 AM): ...
arymabeth (2:28:26 AM): You need to put that in a fic
arymabeth (2:28:35 AM): Jack would totally say it
sabinelagrande (2:28:39 AM): he so would
arymabeth (2:28:44 AM): because they are not
arymabeth (2:28:51 AM): Hammond of Texas understands this
arymabeth (2:29:00 AM): Texans know this truth
sabinelagrande (2:29:03 AM): that's something that'll get you sent to the shed
arymabeth (2:29:27 AM): and don't even think about touching his thermostat
sabinelagrande (2:29:31 AM): seriously
sabinelagrande (2:29:35 AM): that'll get you shot
arymabeth (2:30:30 AM): ("MAYBE THE ASGARD CAN AFFORD TO AIR CONDITION THE WHOLE FUCKING GALAXY, BUT WE HAVE A BUDGET, PEOPLE.")
sabinelagrande (2:30:40 AM): (OH GOD)
sabinelagrande (2:32:36 AM): ("YOU, MARINE. YOU TOUCH MY THERMOSTAT? YOU SURE? LET ME SEE YOUR FINGERS.")

---

sabinelagrande (2:36:24 AM): I get the feeling, though, when the Daedalus left, it was all, "EVERYBODY IN THE FUCKING SHIP, WE GOT TO GET TO THE DAMN PEGASUS GALAXY"
sabinelagrande (2:36:49 AM): "NO WE CAN'T STOP TO LOOK AT ORION- AND FINISH THAT COKE, YOU AIN'T TAKIN' IT ON MY SHIP, WE AIN'T PAID FOR IT YET"
sabinelagrande (2:37:07 AM): "NO YOU CAN'T ROLL THE WINDOWS DOWN"
arymabeth (2:37:23 AM): OH GOD
arymabeth (2:37:25 AM): I'M DYING
arymabeth (2:37:32 AM): THAT IS SO DADDY CALDWELL
sabinelagrande (2:37:44 AM): please note that in my head, Daddy Caldwell is wearing Bermuda shorts and smoking a cigarette
sabinelagrande (2:38:02 AM): also the Daedalus has a luggage rack
arymabeth (2:38:06 AM): while pumping gas into the Daedalus
arymabeth (2:38:13 AM): two luggage racks
sabinelagrande (2:38:21 AM): really fucking big luggage racks
arymabeth (2:38:38 AM): and one of those hard shell luggage containers with the snail on it
sabinelagrande (2:38:42 AM): oh god
sabinelagrande (2:38:43 AM): yes
sabinelagrande (2:38:59 AM): Got a sticker on the back, says, "Honk if you love the Ori"
sabinelagrande (2:39:13 AM): (for easier targeting, obvs)
arymabeth (2:39:18 AM): yes
sabinelagrande (2:39:29 AM): Major Marks is running around behind him, wiping people's noses and breaking up slap fights
arymabeth (2:39:42 AM): handing out juice boxes
sabinelagrande (2:39:53 AM): they have to stop so Daddy Caldwell can change a tire
arymabeth (2:39:54 AM): (NO GRAPE DAMMIT. THAT UPHOLSTERY IS NEW)
arymabeth (2:40:17 AM): Novak holds the bolts for him
arymabeth (2:40:51 AM): Hermiod sits in the back and criticizes
sabinelagrande (2:41:03 AM): and drinks
sabinelagrande (2:41:26 AM): also, I think Daddy Caldwell drives with his elbow out the window of the Daedalus
arymabeth (2:41:35 AM): DAMN STRAIGHT HE DOES
sabinelagrande (2:41:53 AM): ...I don't know when the Daedalus became a Cutlass Supreme
arymabeth (2:42:00 AM): and nobody TOUCHES that radio dial
arymabeth (2:42:08 AM): in our minds, it can totally be both at once
sabinelagrande (2:42:14 AM): oh, HELL goddamn no. we listen to what Daddy Caldwell wants to listen to
arymabeth (2:42:20 AM): which is usually NPR
sabinelagrande (2:42:30 AM): oh god, no, right-wing talk radio
sabinelagrande (2:42:54 AM): Major Marks thinks it sets a bad example for the Marines, but Daddy Caldwell thinks it's funny as hell
arymabeth (2:43:08 AM): yes
arymabeth (2:43:37 AM): (un)fortunately, Bill O'Reilly no longer has a radio show
sabinelagrande (2:43:49 AM): but Michael Savage does
arymabeth (2:44:00 AM): because it would be hilarious, but might make Daddy Caldwell throw things
arymabeth (2:44:02 AM): ... does he?
arymabeth (2:44:08 AM): I thought he got kicked off, too
sabinelagrande (2:44:09 AM): I thought he did
sabinelagrande (2:44:12 AM): oh well
sabinelagrande (2:44:24 AM): that was in 2005, anyway
arymabeth (2:44:35 AM): he did, then
sabinelagrande (2:44:53 AM): and you know, ever since they had to give the ZPM to Atlantis, Daddy Caldwell bitches about not making good time
arymabeth (2:45:27 AM): makes everyone get up at 3AM, before the Asgard all crowd up the road
sabinelagrande (2:45:56 AM): just his luck, he'll get stuck behind a damn Goa'uld
sabinelagrande (2:46:06 AM): you know they drive ALL OVER the damn galaxy
arymabeth (2:47:04 AM): think they own the fucking place
sabinelagrande (2:47:25 AM): up on the dashboard of the Daedalus, next to the hula girl, there's a picture of the whole crew at the Milky Way's Largest Ball of Twine
arymabeth (2:48:00 AM): yes
arymabeth (2:48:12 AM): they're still searching for a Pegasus equivalent
sabinelagrande (2:48:33 AM): it was all Major Marks's idea. Daddy Caldwell don't like to stop
sabinelagrande (2:48:46 AM): except for naquadriah and cigarettes
arymabeth (2:49:03 AM): they are essential
arymabeth (2:49:33 AM): if they need snacks, well, Marks shoulda packed enough for everyone. He told him to get the big blue cooler
sabinelagrande (2:50:05 AM): they got half a case of Melba Peach Explosion and a box of Ho Hos in there
arymabeth (2:50:37 AM): It was ON SALE. You think the SGC can afford real Coke for all these people?
arymabeth (2:50:54 AM): drink you Sam's Club brand drinks and quit whining, or he'll take you to the shed
sabinelagrande (2:51:09 AM): some of them Marines is looking chunky, anyway. don't need all that sugar
arymabeth (2:51:17 AM): srsly

---

arymabeth (3:16:13 AM): OH GOD
arymabeth (3:16:24 AM): THE DAEDALUS TOTALLY HAS A BARBEQUE
sabinelagrande (3:16:29 AM): OH GOD
sabinelagrande (3:16:33 AM): YES
sabinelagrande (3:16:34 AM): YES PLEASE
arymabeth (3:16:50 AM): AND CALDWELL PUTS ON AN APRON AND GRILLS BURGERS WHILE DRINKING A BEER
sabinelagrande (3:17:02 AM): Daddy Caldwell's back there in his black socks and brown sandals
sabinelagrande (3:17:16 AM): ...but what would Caldwell's apron say?
arymabeth (3:17:32 AM): ... custom-printed with "Kiss My Ass"?
sabinelagrande (3:17:58 AM): I was torn between "Fuck the cook" and some pun involving the word Captain that I had not yet come up with
sabinelagrande (3:18:13 AM): all i know is it has a pack of Camel Lites in it
arymabeth (3:18:18 AM): yes
sabinelagrande (3:18:35 AM): Major Marks puts out a lovely spread
sabinelagrande (3:19:01 AM): or maybe his apron is printed to look like a flight suit
sabinelagrande (3:19:05 AM): like one of those tuxedo shirts
arymabeth (3:19:07 AM): ...
arymabeth (3:19:08 AM): yes
arymabeth (3:19:11 AM): I would buy that
sabinelagrande (3:19:28 AM): never mind that he's wearing a hawaiian shirt underneath it
arymabeth (3:19:47 AM): he's offworld now, he can wear what he damn well pleases
sabinelagrande (3:20:11 AM): later, he will be walking around the Daedalus in his socks and his underpants
arymabeth (3:20:34 AM): because this is HIS HOUSE, dammit
arymabeth (3:20:38 AM): ... oh god
arymabeth (3:20:46 AM): now the Daedalus is an RV in my mind
sabinelagrande (3:20:50 AM): OH GOD
sabinelagrande (3:20:59 AM): THERE ARE NO DUMP STATIONS IN THE PEGASUS GALAXY
arymabeth (3:21:13 AM): WHAT WILL THEY DO WHEN THE SHITTER IS FULL?
sabinelagrande (3:21:25 AM): YOU BETTER HOLD IT TILL WE GET BACK TO THE MILKY WAY
arymabeth (3:21:50 AM): DADDY CALDWELL WILL PULL THIS SHIP OVER AND MAKE YOU GO IN THE WOODS
arymabeth (3:22:00 AM): BEHIND A TREE
sabinelagrande (3:22:14 AM): YOU BE DAMN LUCKY IF HE BOTHERS TO STOP WHERE THERE ARE TREES
sabinelagrande (3:22:23 AM): JUST GO BEHIND THE DAEDALUS
sabinelagrande (3:22:26 AM): CAN'T NOBODY SEE
arymabeth (3:22:42 AM): DON'T NOBODY WANT TO SEE
sabinelagrande (3:22:57 AM): EXCEPT THE MARINES, AND THEY AIN'T SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE DAMN WINDOWS DOWN ANYWAY
sabinelagrande (3:23:21 AM): AND IT AIN'T LIKE YOU GOT NOTHING THE MARINES AIN'T SEEN BEFORE
arymabeth (3:23:28 AM): HE'LL TURN ON THE CHILDPROOF WINDOW LOCKS IF HE HAS TO
sabinelagrande (3:24:02 AM): ON? HE NEVER TURNED THEM OFF. HE PUT THEM LOCKS ON WHEN HE LEFT THE DEALERSHIP, AIN'T NEVER TURNED THEM OFF SINCE
arymabeth (3:24:29 AM): CAN'T TRUST THEM MARINES. THEY'LL BE HANGING THEIR HANDS OUT THE WINDOWS
arymabeth (3:24:33 AM): GET 'EM BLOWN CLEAN OFF
sabinelagrande (3:24:43 AM): WE'LL BE LUCKY IF IT'S JUST THEY HANDS
sabinelagrande (3:24:54 AM): THEY MOONED THAT POOR ASGARD COUPLE LAST WEEK
arymabeth (3:25:08 AM): TRAUMATIZED THEM FOR LIFE
arymabeth (3:25:14 AM): AND THAT'S A LONG TIME FOR AN ASGARD
sabinelagrande (3:25:54 AM): oh god, I'm going to hurt myself laughing over this
arymabeth (3:26:05 AM): me, too
arymabeth (3:26:14 AM): we really shouldn't be allowed on the internet unsupervised
sabinelagrande (3:26:18 AM): OH GOD THEY SO STOP AT WRAITHBURGER
arymabeth (3:26:25 AM): YES THEY DO
arymabeth (3:26:35 AM): AND CALDWELL TELLS EVERYONE TO SHUT UP AND IT EAT IT
arymabeth (3:26:39 AM): THIS IS TRAVELING FOOD
sabinelagrande (3:27:24 AM): "Give me two hundred Wraithburgers- NO, DAMMIT, I TOLD YOU, I AIN'T MAKING NO SPECIAL ORDERS FOR NO DAMN MARINES- and sixty large fries- NO I AIN'T BUYING YOU NO DRINK, DRINK YOUR MELBA PEACH EXPLOSION"
arymabeth (3:28:22 AM): "OK, fine, put cheese on half of them. BUT NO MORE REQUESTS"
arymabeth (3:28:36 AM): Novak tries to pipe up that she's a vegetarian
sabinelagrande (3:29:04 AM): "Oh, hell, all right, and one Garden Wraithburger for the sissy at the beaming platform"
arymabeth (3:29:17 AM): "It ain't real meat, anyway."
sabinelagrande (3:30:00 AM): (we are slowly rewriting the entire story of SGA)
arymabeth (3:30:08 AM): yes. yes, we are
arymabeth (3:30:12 AM): and it is awesome
sabinelagrande (3:30:13 AM): (into some bizarre romp across Georgia)
arymabeth (3:30:25 AM): that's totally what it is
sabinelagrande (3:30:47 AM): Cause you know Daddy Caldwell got to stop at every Civil War battlefield between here and Savannah
arymabeth (3:31:13 AM): He still talks about that fucking Sherman.
sabinelagrande (3:31:49 AM): Major Marks just herds the Marines away to stamp their Passport to the Galactic Parks
sabinelagrande (3:32:13 AM): they near 'bout filled up the Milky Way side
arymabeth (3:32:35 AM): Ronon is busy making stamps for the Pegasus stops
arymabeth (3:32:43 AM): he likes playing with the woodcuts
sabinelagrande (3:32:59 AM): some of his woodcuts are, admittedly, obscene
sabinelagrande (3:33:25 AM): but Rodney's pretty convinced that "Place Where Some People Were Fucking" is not a literal translation from the Satedan
arymabeth (3:33:48 AM): You never know. This culture did produce Ronon.
sabinelagrande (3:34:08 AM): mostly it was them seven years he spent as a General Manager for Wraithburger
arymabeth (3:34:40 AM): you can only put up with so many inane customer complaints before you start going a little nuts
sabinelagrande (3:34:49 AM): indeed
arymabeth (3:35:05 AM): especially when you used to be a highly respected Satedan pastry chef
sabinelagrande (3:35:24 AM): You call these damn Wraith Tarts pastries? He's thrown away better pastries
arymabeth (3:36:00 AM): these ain't fit to feed a dog
arymabeth (3:36:17 AM): never mind that dogs on Sateda had five legs and tentacles
sabinelagrande (3:36:34 AM): you'd be damn careful what you fed a five-legged dog with tentacles
arymabeth (3:37:04 AM): you never know what their bodies might do to the Bits of Kibble N Bits
sabinelagrande (3:37:25 AM): it was never clarified to Ronon what the Bits were bits of
arymabeth (3:37:46 AM): he has his guesses