The Rump-Shaking Is Non-Optional
Apr. 21st, 2009 11:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabinelagrandeSo, recently, I've gotten ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
arymabeth totally addicted to SGA, and we've realized that there are really a lot of stories we'd like to see:
1. We want to read a story that has Woolsey/Weir, because they are fuckin' sophisticated as hell.
2. We want to read a story about the college that Rodney is on sabbatical from for the duration of the Atlantis Mission, preferably about his poor grad students.
They keep calling him, and whenever they get through (which is maybe once a year) he keeps banging the phone on the table and yelling "YOU'RE BREAKING UP."
3. We want to read a story where Ronon discovers police caution tape, and uses it to cordon off Teyla. And Weir. And possibly Sheppard.
Ronon doesn't like people touching his things.
4. We want to read McKay's performance evaluations of his division.
"Annoying." "Slightly more annoying." "Wears shiny shoes." "Had a good idea that one time. But nowhere near as good as my ideas."
5. We want to read a story about Ronon's life on Sateda.
As a pastry chef.
The tattoos are marks of the Satedan Pastry Guild.
6. We want to read a story about Ronon standing behind doors and shouting, "Boo!"
Or whatever the equivalent is when your doors retract into the wall.
7. We want to read a story where Ronon and Jayne meet.
Either they would kill each other in five minutes or become bestest friends forever, but either way it would be epic.
8. We want to be able to read fic about Weir that uses her first name without feeling very skeevy.
Unfortunately, as we are both called Elizabeth, this is very unlikely to happen.
9. We want to read a story where this happens:
Woolsey: You want to order seven hundred condoms and a sling shot?
John: Water balloon competition.
Woolsey: ::writing on form:: Supplies to be used in providing assistance to indigenous populations.
10. We want to rename the show to Colonel Sadist and his T. Rex Jamboree.
Just sayin'.
11. We want to read a story where Atlantis gets its weed from Jack O'Neill, who pitches it through the stargate when nobody's looking.
12. We want to read a story where Rodney is fucking the Friendly Replicator Android.
I mean, seriously.
13. We want to read a story about the Wraith break room.
They have posters in it from Wraith OSHA: one with a picture of Ronon Dex, with text "THIS GUY DON'T GO DOWN EASY" underneath it; another detailing the exact levels of radiation one receives while flying a dart. Unfortunately, no one reads them, because nobody ever reads the OSHA posters in the break room.
14. We want to read a story where the Carson who died was the clone and the real Carson is the one they rescue on accident from Michael.
It would make their later acceptance of Cloneson much less creepy.
15. We want to read a story about how Zelenka and Chuck are the secret sex gods of the Pegasus Galaxy.
Also one where Zelenka has a giant wang, because God has a sense of humor.
16. We want to read a story where John and Rodney teach Ronon and Teyla to play Never Have I Ever.
Because they're stuck in a puddlejumper in a storm that not even John could fly through with a whole shipment of local wine and not enough water, and they have to drink it to prevent dehydration (John keeps pointing out that it'll just lead to a net water loss, but nobody listens). And certainly they can't play Truth or Dare, because Ronon would take dare every time. And Ronon and Rodney proceed to get fucked up drunk, while John and Teyla laugh at them.
This leads to group sex, obviously.
17. We want to read a story where Woolsey finally gets up the courage to ask Ronon to call him Dick, leading to this exchange:
Woolsey: It's what my friends call me.
Ronon: ...Then what do your enemies call you?
18. We want to read a story where Woolsey makes a chart of who is expendable and who is not.
It might come in handy.
19. We want to read a story where pets are allowed on Atlantis, and Rodney brings his cat, and Woolsey steals his Yorkie back from his horrible ex-wife and takes it back to Pegasus with him.
Who, of course, proceeds to call her lawyer; he hangs up when she explains that Dick stole the dog and took it to another galaxy.
20. We want to read a story where Kanaan is a stoner.
Come on, all he does is sit around anyway.
21. We want to read a story where Keller finally realizes that her relationship with Rodney is going nowhere, because all they do is drink wine coolers and have Sex and the City marathons while talking about Sheppard's dreamy hair.
She gets sick of him going, "BY THE WAY HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL" every ten minutes, so she sits him down with Queer as Folk and goes off to bang somebody else.
This is possibly the only way we would like Keller.
22. We want to read OT4 porn where Rodney mentions that they don't have to worry about anybody getting pregnant during their team orgies; because after all this exposure to radioactivity, none of them have any viable sperm left.
John's response, obviously, is, "I should still come on you. Y'know. To be on the safe side."
23. We want to read a story where Team Shep took first prize in the Atlantis costume contest with their Star Wars group.
Rodney is still pissed that Zelenka refused to be R2D2; but he and Lorne already had their George and Yortuk Festrunk costumes made, and there was just no way he was going to pass that up.
24. We want to read a story where somebody explains "compensatory time" and "plausible deniability" to Ronon, who proceeds to do nothing all day but sit on the verandah and drink strawberry daiquiris.
Every once in a while he stumbles through the stargate, kills a bunch of dudes, and comes back- but that's not work. That's a privilege.
25. We want to read a story where the personnel on Atlantis have to pay rent to the government.
26. We want to read a story where some backwater planet writes a folk song for Rodney, a la The Hero of Canton.
27. We want to read a story where WraithQueen!Teyla pulls the KNEEL on Sheppard.
Because. Hot.
Really, she should just go around Kneeling people all the time.
28. We want to read a story where Lorne keeps trying to get rid of Sora, who has been stuck in the brig since the Siege of Atlantis, by secretly adding her to trade agreements.
Lorne: So that's five boxes of aspirin, a goat, and mumblemumblemumble.
Trader: What?
Lorne: Sorrygottagoenjoythegirl!
29. We want to read a story where Ronon and Teyla have sex.
On Woolsey.
Ronon: We'll tell him it's a Pegasus tradition. They always fall for that.
30. We want to read a story where Hermiod takes Kavanagh out to the shed.
Cause the Daedalus clearly has a shed, because Caldwell runs it. And he often directs Major Marks to take people to it, in his name.
31. We want to read a story where Weir and Caldwell are doin' it all over Atlantis, Earth, and the Daedalus, and Caldwell can't figure out why there's a dead space trout under his pillow. He thinks the two are related, however.
Smart money is on John, which is only technically true: Zelenka paid him to do it.
The story ends with Zelenka pushing Caldwell out of a window, an event which would be recorded as the first Defenestration of Atlantis. The Athosians wrote many ballads about it, which is why it is said in the Pegasus Galaxy even to today: "Never trust a man from Prague when you are near a window."
32. We want to read a story where Teyla and Ronon think that the little flags on the Earthers' uniforms mean they are from different planets.
They're a little sad and a little baffled when they learn otherwise.
33. We want to read a story where Ronon gets bored and decides to use the Lantean pigeons for target practice.
This obviously leads to Zelenka throwing him off a balcony. Don't worry- Ronon's fine, and he's too impressed to get pissed about it.
34. We want to read a story where Ronon and John get into "Who can hold their breath the longest" contests.
That's not a euphemism for anything; we just think they're secretly twelve.
35. We don't see any good reason not to ship Ronon/Teyla.
Seriously though, come on.
36. We want to read a story where Hermiod bitchslaps Kavanagh, because pacifism only goes so far.
37. We want to read a story where pregnancy makes Teyla, like most women, unspeakably horny.
And so one day Mister Woolsey is just walking down the corridor, minding his own business, wearing his suit, and here comes big pregnant Teyla flying out of nowhere to tackle him.
He calls John on the radio for help:
John: Oh hell no. The last time I got in her way, she- well, I don't even know where she got a strap-on, honestly, but... you know what, never mind, I'll be there in five minutes.
38. We want to read a story where John finally finishes War and Peace.
Possibly they throw him a party. And when asked to summarize it, he replies, "...Uh."
39. We want to read a story where the team has a very special movie night, in order to introduce Ronon and Teyla to Earth porn:
Teyla: So, this is acceptable currency for a pizza on your planet?
Rodney: You haven't tasted pizza. You wouldn't understand.
Teyla: I see. ...Is it customary for gardeners on Earth to perform their duties so attired?
40. We want to read a story where, just once, the team decides to turn the tables and insists that the village elders do the Macarena before they begin trade negotiations.
The rump-shaking is non-optional. It signifies one's commitment to the funk as well as the alliance.
We also feel that "The Rump-Shaking Is Non-Optional" is a fine title for a story.
41. We want to read a story, set during The Pegasus Project, where Weir, whose obsession with the Ancients and Ascending borders on the fanatical, finds out that Daniel Jackson Ascended back in the day.
She's all, "C'mon, Dr. Jackson. Just let me touch it a little" and Daniel's all, "UH, VALA, HELP" and Vala's all, "Help yourself, I got popcorn."
But that's as far as we gotten.
This does not even include the things that we think are totally canon, like the fact that Daniel Jackson is the SGC's resident pot dealer, or the fact that Michael is the father of Teyla's baby ("Kanaan" is just some poor Athosian hybrid whose memory loss Teyla took advantage of).
arymabeth totally addicted to SGA, and we've realized that there are really a lot of stories we'd like to see:1. We want to read a story that has Woolsey/Weir, because they are fuckin' sophisticated as hell.
2. We want to read a story about the college that Rodney is on sabbatical from for the duration of the Atlantis Mission, preferably about his poor grad students.
They keep calling him, and whenever they get through (which is maybe once a year) he keeps banging the phone on the table and yelling "YOU'RE BREAKING UP."
3. We want to read a story where Ronon discovers police caution tape, and uses it to cordon off Teyla. And Weir. And possibly Sheppard.
Ronon doesn't like people touching his things.
4. We want to read McKay's performance evaluations of his division.
"Annoying." "Slightly more annoying." "Wears shiny shoes." "Had a good idea that one time. But nowhere near as good as my ideas."
5. We want to read a story about Ronon's life on Sateda.
As a pastry chef.
The tattoos are marks of the Satedan Pastry Guild.
6. We want to read a story about Ronon standing behind doors and shouting, "Boo!"
Or whatever the equivalent is when your doors retract into the wall.
7. We want to read a story where Ronon and Jayne meet.
Either they would kill each other in five minutes or become bestest friends forever, but either way it would be epic.
8. We want to be able to read fic about Weir that uses her first name without feeling very skeevy.
Unfortunately, as we are both called Elizabeth, this is very unlikely to happen.
9. We want to read a story where this happens:
Woolsey: You want to order seven hundred condoms and a sling shot?
John: Water balloon competition.
Woolsey: ::writing on form:: Supplies to be used in providing assistance to indigenous populations.
10. We want to rename the show to Colonel Sadist and his T. Rex Jamboree.
Just sayin'.
11. We want to read a story where Atlantis gets its weed from Jack O'Neill, who pitches it through the stargate when nobody's looking.
12. We want to read a story where Rodney is fucking the Friendly Replicator Android.
I mean, seriously.
13. We want to read a story about the Wraith break room.
They have posters in it from Wraith OSHA: one with a picture of Ronon Dex, with text "THIS GUY DON'T GO DOWN EASY" underneath it; another detailing the exact levels of radiation one receives while flying a dart. Unfortunately, no one reads them, because nobody ever reads the OSHA posters in the break room.
14. We want to read a story where the Carson who died was the clone and the real Carson is the one they rescue on accident from Michael.
It would make their later acceptance of Cloneson much less creepy.
15. We want to read a story about how Zelenka and Chuck are the secret sex gods of the Pegasus Galaxy.
Also one where Zelenka has a giant wang, because God has a sense of humor.
16. We want to read a story where John and Rodney teach Ronon and Teyla to play Never Have I Ever.
Because they're stuck in a puddlejumper in a storm that not even John could fly through with a whole shipment of local wine and not enough water, and they have to drink it to prevent dehydration (John keeps pointing out that it'll just lead to a net water loss, but nobody listens). And certainly they can't play Truth or Dare, because Ronon would take dare every time. And Ronon and Rodney proceed to get fucked up drunk, while John and Teyla laugh at them.
This leads to group sex, obviously.
17. We want to read a story where Woolsey finally gets up the courage to ask Ronon to call him Dick, leading to this exchange:
Woolsey: It's what my friends call me.
Ronon: ...Then what do your enemies call you?
18. We want to read a story where Woolsey makes a chart of who is expendable and who is not.
It might come in handy.
19. We want to read a story where pets are allowed on Atlantis, and Rodney brings his cat, and Woolsey steals his Yorkie back from his horrible ex-wife and takes it back to Pegasus with him.
Who, of course, proceeds to call her lawyer; he hangs up when she explains that Dick stole the dog and took it to another galaxy.
20. We want to read a story where Kanaan is a stoner.
Come on, all he does is sit around anyway.
21. We want to read a story where Keller finally realizes that her relationship with Rodney is going nowhere, because all they do is drink wine coolers and have Sex and the City marathons while talking about Sheppard's dreamy hair.
She gets sick of him going, "BY THE WAY HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL" every ten minutes, so she sits him down with Queer as Folk and goes off to bang somebody else.
This is possibly the only way we would like Keller.
22. We want to read OT4 porn where Rodney mentions that they don't have to worry about anybody getting pregnant during their team orgies; because after all this exposure to radioactivity, none of them have any viable sperm left.
John's response, obviously, is, "I should still come on you. Y'know. To be on the safe side."
23. We want to read a story where Team Shep took first prize in the Atlantis costume contest with their Star Wars group.
Rodney is still pissed that Zelenka refused to be R2D2; but he and Lorne already had their George and Yortuk Festrunk costumes made, and there was just no way he was going to pass that up.
24. We want to read a story where somebody explains "compensatory time" and "plausible deniability" to Ronon, who proceeds to do nothing all day but sit on the verandah and drink strawberry daiquiris.
Every once in a while he stumbles through the stargate, kills a bunch of dudes, and comes back- but that's not work. That's a privilege.
25. We want to read a story where the personnel on Atlantis have to pay rent to the government.
26. We want to read a story where some backwater planet writes a folk song for Rodney, a la The Hero of Canton.
27. We want to read a story where WraithQueen!Teyla pulls the KNEEL on Sheppard.
Because. Hot.
Really, she should just go around Kneeling people all the time.
28. We want to read a story where Lorne keeps trying to get rid of Sora, who has been stuck in the brig since the Siege of Atlantis, by secretly adding her to trade agreements.
Lorne: So that's five boxes of aspirin, a goat, and mumblemumblemumble.
Trader: What?
Lorne: Sorrygottagoenjoythegirl!
29. We want to read a story where Ronon and Teyla have sex.
On Woolsey.
Ronon: We'll tell him it's a Pegasus tradition. They always fall for that.
30. We want to read a story where Hermiod takes Kavanagh out to the shed.
Cause the Daedalus clearly has a shed, because Caldwell runs it. And he often directs Major Marks to take people to it, in his name.
31. We want to read a story where Weir and Caldwell are doin' it all over Atlantis, Earth, and the Daedalus, and Caldwell can't figure out why there's a dead space trout under his pillow. He thinks the two are related, however.
Smart money is on John, which is only technically true: Zelenka paid him to do it.
The story ends with Zelenka pushing Caldwell out of a window, an event which would be recorded as the first Defenestration of Atlantis. The Athosians wrote many ballads about it, which is why it is said in the Pegasus Galaxy even to today: "Never trust a man from Prague when you are near a window."
32. We want to read a story where Teyla and Ronon think that the little flags on the Earthers' uniforms mean they are from different planets.
They're a little sad and a little baffled when they learn otherwise.
33. We want to read a story where Ronon gets bored and decides to use the Lantean pigeons for target practice.
This obviously leads to Zelenka throwing him off a balcony. Don't worry- Ronon's fine, and he's too impressed to get pissed about it.
34. We want to read a story where Ronon and John get into "Who can hold their breath the longest" contests.
That's not a euphemism for anything; we just think they're secretly twelve.
35. We don't see any good reason not to ship Ronon/Teyla.
Seriously though, come on.
36. We want to read a story where Hermiod bitchslaps Kavanagh, because pacifism only goes so far.
37. We want to read a story where pregnancy makes Teyla, like most women, unspeakably horny.
And so one day Mister Woolsey is just walking down the corridor, minding his own business, wearing his suit, and here comes big pregnant Teyla flying out of nowhere to tackle him.
He calls John on the radio for help:
John: Oh hell no. The last time I got in her way, she- well, I don't even know where she got a strap-on, honestly, but... you know what, never mind, I'll be there in five minutes.
38. We want to read a story where John finally finishes War and Peace.
Possibly they throw him a party. And when asked to summarize it, he replies, "...Uh."
39. We want to read a story where the team has a very special movie night, in order to introduce Ronon and Teyla to Earth porn:
Teyla: So, this is acceptable currency for a pizza on your planet?
Rodney: You haven't tasted pizza. You wouldn't understand.
Teyla: I see. ...Is it customary for gardeners on Earth to perform their duties so attired?
40. We want to read a story where, just once, the team decides to turn the tables and insists that the village elders do the Macarena before they begin trade negotiations.
The rump-shaking is non-optional. It signifies one's commitment to the funk as well as the alliance.
We also feel that "The Rump-Shaking Is Non-Optional" is a fine title for a story.
41. We want to read a story, set during The Pegasus Project, where Weir, whose obsession with the Ancients and Ascending borders on the fanatical, finds out that Daniel Jackson Ascended back in the day.
She's all, "C'mon, Dr. Jackson. Just let me touch it a little" and Daniel's all, "UH, VALA, HELP" and Vala's all, "Help yourself, I got popcorn."
But that's as far as we gotten.
This does not even include the things that we think are totally canon, like the fact that Daniel Jackson is the SGC's resident pot dealer, or the fact that Michael is the father of Teyla's baby ("Kanaan" is just some poor Athosian hybrid whose memory loss Teyla took advantage of).
