The WIP Project, 6
Sep. 26th, 2010 02:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabinelagrandeSo, this is either the second or third SGA story I ever started- I'm pretty sure Everybody Wants To Be a Cat was first, then this one and Four Blatant Lies were right after it. It's a wrench that I never was able to finish it, because it has a whole lot of really great lines in it, but it's pretty typical for the pairing (though pretty atypical for me).
But what makes this story really special is that at some point, when I realized it was going to be around 5000 words, I outlined it.
In lolcat.
Accommodations
1. Circle Gets the Square
Rodney had a crick in his neck.
The impressivemayaname had some really funny ideas about interior design. As far as he could tell, the rooms they'd been given were the best on the planet. The floor plan seemed to involve a big triangular room with three doors, each with its own antechamber. They'd gotten the picture pretty quickly that Sheppard was the leader- and why did every civilization they visited think that? Except for that one very strange planet where they'd taken him for Ronon's catamite, and, boy, had that caused some fireworks- and as such, he got the big room. And, following their cultural logic, four people minus one leader equaled three bodyguards, the perfect number. And if some of them looked like they doubted Rodney's ability to guard anything but a buffet table, well, Rodney took comfort in knowing that, A, they were all going to die at relatively young ages from a lack of Western medicine, and B, he had a gun.
Rodney took comfort in the fact that their team fit so nicely into their decorating scheme and all- really, he did, because apparently it had mythical significance or something, and that made things so much easier from a negotiating standpoint. Unfortunately, he took no comfort whatsoever in his room's appointments.
There were no blankets, for a start- not so much of a hardship, since the planet stayed hot- but apparently knowledge of the pillow had yet to be brought to these people. Instead, their idea of hospitality was a plain wooden bench with a block at one end. Rodney had stared at it for fifteen minutes trying to decide whether he was supposed to put his head or his feet on it, before giving up and resting his head on his jacket.
"Why couldn't we go to a planet with pillows?"
"They didn't give you a pillow?"
"The impressivemayaname believe that vigilance is the greatest virtue," Teyla explained patiently.
"So they were trying to keep us from sleeping on purpose."
"Essentially," she allowed.
"I slept like a rock," Ronon offered.
Rodney rolled his eyes. "You are a rock."
[[Something was going to happen here that I never finished planning, but Sheppard and McKay got into a fight over something offworld.]]
"I'd like to informally request to be taken off of Colonel Sheppard's gate team."
"What?"
"I thought if we could come to an agreement, we could save on a lot of unnecessary paperwork."
"What brought this on?"
"I just don't feel I can continue working with Colonel Sheppard anymore," he said. "I recommend Dr. Zelenka as my replacement. He's more than ready to begin offworld missions."
"Rodney, Radek doesn't even know how to fire a P90."
"It's not rocket science."
"Funny."
"Rodney," she said, using her best and most diplomatic tone, which Rodney had always hated, "Things are different in Atlantis. If you're doing this because you feel it would be inappropriate for you to continue working with John because of your relationship-"
"What relationship?"
"Believe me when I say I know how unfair it is that you have to keep quiet, especially given that if John were in your military instead of ours-"
"Colonel Sheppard and I are not together," Rodney said icily.
"Rodney, I'm your friend. You don't have to pretend around me."
"Elizabeth, I'm not gay."
Weir looked at him with the same look of faint disappointment she always used on anyone she thought was being willfully ignorant. "If and when Colonel Sheppard believes your presence on his team is no longer beneficial, he will request your removal. It's his prerogative as the military commander of this mission."
Rodney crossed his arms over his chest, nostrils flaring in displeasure. "And what if I refuse to cooperate?"
"Then I'll have Sergeant Stackhouse put you in the brig until you calm down," Sheppard said from behind him.
"John," Weir said, her voice a warning, "this is a private discussion."
"This doesn't concern you," Rodney snapped in agreement, not turning around.
"Anything that concerns my team concerns me," he countered, and Rodney didn't have a response for that.
"The two of you need to work this out. I depend on you."
"I feel vaguely like I just disappointed my mother."
"I know what you mean."
Ronon didn't look up from his dinner. "You two are fucking, right?"
"I'm going to kill the Marine who taught you that word," Sheppard told him.
"And no, we're not," Rodney added, stabbing miserably at his salad.
"You should get on that," the Satedan advised, and Sheppard choked on his juice.
"Such things are not acceptable in John's culture," Teyla explained quietly.
"What's not acceptable about fucking?" he asked, sounding genuinely confused.
"All right, as much as I'd like to hear an otherworldly explication of Don't Ask, Don't Tell-" Rodney started, standing up from the table. "Actually, I don't want to hear it at all, and that's why I'm leaving. Good night."
"McKay," Sheppard drawled. "Don't be like that."
"Like what, Colonel?" he snapped.
"Oh yeah, definitely not fucking," he heard Ronon say as he left the mess. "Nobody who's getting laid could be that pissed off."
"Can we talk?"
She [[Katie Brown]] swallowed, looking less nervous than usual. "It's okay, Rodney. I already know what you're going to say."
"Oh, thank God," he sighed. "Nobody gets it, you know? Not that people not understanding is anything new or anything, but this is particularly irritating."
"This must be really hard for you," she said sympathetically.
"Everybody just wants to have a laugh at my expense, and it's getting old. And Sheppard-" Sheppard was driving him insane, honestly. What he really wanted was for Sheppard to go apeshit and start cracking heads, but he didn't know of any girlfriend-appropriate way to say that.
"Rodney," Katie said very seriously, resting her hand on his knee. "It's not right for anybody to make you feel like that, especially not Colonel Sheppard."
Feeling somewhat overcome, he gathered her into a hug. "I'm so happy to have you. I mean- really. I really am."
The evening went surprisingly well after that. They'd talked about research, about home- usual topics between them- but things seemed more relaxed than usual, somehow. He even mustered the courage to kiss her on the cheek as he left.
He finished out his evening on a balcony near his quarters, reading a book and listening to the wind whistling through the spires of the city. Rodney was in bed by 2650, which was pretty early by his standards, altogether satisfied with how his night had gone.
Rodney leapt out of bed at 2710, realizing that not only had he left his book outside, he'd also accidentally come out to his girlfriend.
Goddammit.
[[Rodney and Zelenka at the shooting range:]]
"Even if you teach me this, I am never going to like it. I will not shoot someone to save myself. It is a slippery slope."
"Will you relax? Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard would never ask you to shoot someone- that's what Ronon's for. It's just a precautionary measure. Shooting Wraith, on the other hand, you should learn to like, or at least tolerate."
"Rodney, when are the two of you going to talk?"
"I don't know what you mean," Rodney lied.
Radek rolled his eyes dismissively. "Half of Atlantis knows what I mean."
"I'm not- I'm not sure that I'm quite ready to admit anything, other than being possibly situationally bisexual." Rodney cleared his throat. "For you."
"I get it."
"You do? I mean, of course you do. What's there to get, really?"
"And I'm supposed to risk court martial because you think you might maybe be attracted to me, possibly?"
Rodney caught his wrist. "I think I'm in love with you," he said, the very words twisting him in knots.
Sheppard jerked his arm back. "Come back when you know."
Rodney knew that the worst thing he could possibly do was let Sheppard walk out on him like this. There had to be something, anything, he could say to make him turn around, to stop this thing from falling into place between them. He opened his mouth, but the words didn't come.
The door shut smoothly behind Sheppard.
Sometimes Rodney wished the doors could slam; it only seemed appropriate.
[[Here's another major part I never really planned. Rodney does something spectacularly stupid offworld (to save John?) and comes back injured and muddy.]]
"You're suspiciously quiet," Rodney told him, hissing in a breath as Carson sterilized the wound. "You might as well say it."
"Say what, Rodney?' Carson replied, concentrating on his work.
Rodney knew he was being baited, but he was feeling just miserable enough to play along. "That I'm an idiot for going."
"Oh, aye, I didn't think I needed to tell you that," he said dismissively.
"What do you want me to do with these?" Carson asked, holding up his ruined clothing.
"Throw them in the trash, would you?" he replied. "Right on top of the frayed remnants of my heterosexuality," he added, muttering to himself.
Rodney knew he must be a sight- still in scrubs, hair wet, leaning exhausted against the door frame. He kept knocking and knocking until his knuckles started complaining, but the door eventually hissed open, revealing a less than amused, obviously just woken Sheppard.
"I love you," Rodney said, sounding every bit as tired and defeated as he felt.
Sheppard rolled his eyes. "McKay-"
"I know what you're going to say," Rodney told him, cutting him off. "You're going to accuse me of telling you what you want to hear. I can't rule out the possibility that might be true, but, nevertheless, I love you." He exhaled heavily. "There. I've said it."
"I was actually going to say, 'Get out of the damn hall before somebody hears you.'"
"Oh. Right."
John stepped back to allow him in
He pulled back, his hand still resting on Sheppard's neck, their faces close together. "We're really hopeless, aren't we?" Rodney said, dissolving into laughter.
"Yeah," he agreed with a snort.
Somewhere in between one laugh and the next, Sheppard pushed their lips together again. And that- that was what he had been waiting for, what they had been clawing tooth and nail towards. Rodney didn't know what he felt, other than everything- like he was going to cry and throw up and pass out and maybe come in his pants. It felt terrifyingly, reassuringly right.
"What do you mean, 'affirm my masculinity'? I have a girlfriend, for Christ's sake!" He didn't miss the dark look Sheppard shot him. "Had. Had a girlfriend. Definitely past tense. Maybe even the pluperfect, by this point."
"Perhaps they have reason to doubt your commitment to the relationship."
"I kept potted plants for that woman!" Rodney replied. "How much more committed can you be?"
Ronon narrowed his eyes and grinned. "It's not gonna cut it. You should be fucking somebody closer to you. Somebody important."
"What have I told you about repeating the Marines?!"
"Ronon has a point. If there were evidence that one of you was," she stole a glance at John, "coupling with someone of your close acquaintance, it would be more," she paused again, maybe a bit too long to be tactful, "convincing."
"It has to be you, obviously," Rodney told her.
Teyla failed completely to look startled. "I am not sure what you mean."
"What other women am I close to? It's not like I'm going to ask Elizabeth to- to-"
"Take one for the team?" John offered.
"Right." Rodney rubbed his hands together. "Now, this is starting to come together. What should it be? Romantic candlelit dinner in your quarters? No, no, too subtle." He snapped his fingers. "No, no- on the balcony outside the gateroom. We can get the spare table out of my lab, and some food from the mess, borrow some candles- ooh, that, that blanket we picked up on M72-Y9S can do for a tablecloth- voila, one order of masculinity, coming right up."
She and John looked at one another again. "It would be better if it were spontaneous," Teyla said finally.
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Fine. Just so long as it's soon."
As it turned out, "soon" came sooner than Rodney was ready for.
The mission to M5R-903 had gone exactly as Rodney thought it would- which is to say that the pre-industrial villagers turned out to be heavily armed mercenaries with a truly impressive amount of weaponry.
They came in hot; Rodney was still firing wildly at their attackers as he fell through the Stargate.
"Good work," Weir called from the operations room. "Head to the infirmary, we'll debrief in-"
She suddenly trailed off; Rodney slowly began to realize that everyone was staring in their direction. He discreetly checked himself, making sure he didn't have any supposedly hilarious rips in his clothing this time. Everything seemed to be in order. He looked at Ronon, who was also rapt; following his eye-line, he arrived at John.
John and Teyla, to be specific. Mostly just their mouths, honestly, because that's where all the interesting action was; though Rodney was starting to get quite concerned about John's left hand.
It wasn't just a kiss. It was- it was more than a kiss. It was, at the very least, a snog. It looked, for all the world, like something that would figure prominently on the poster for the kind of movie that Rodney absolutely despised, one of those brainless American action movies where some musclebound fool with ridiculous hair saved the whole world using only a big knife and the power of some ridiculously impossible science. Teyla, who Rodney had always assumed had more shame than that, had melted so far into John's arms that she was practically dripping out of them. She still had one hand pressed against Sheppard's tac vest, though she was apparently powerless to push him away. The other hand was in his hair, pulling him closer. Sheppard held on to her like he was afraid she'd evaporate if he didn't, his arms wrapped around her in what could only be qualified as a passionate embrace.
And Jesus Christ, they were still kissing!
"Oh, that is just unbe-fucking-lievable," Rodney moaned.
Ronon managed to tear himself away, somehow, as much of a hardship as that must have been, following him toward the infirmary. "How come you get to say 'fucking' and I don't?"
"Just shut up, for Christ's sake."
"Colonel!" he heard Elizabeth shout from behind him. Served the bastard right.
John caught them up when they were almost to the infirmary. "Problem solved," he said, smirking in that infuriatingly sexy way of his.
"I saw what happened after the mission yesterday," Dr. Weir said carefully. "Rest assured I will be talking to both Teyla and Colonel Sheppard about it."
Rodney didn't respond, trying his best to look disappointed and pitiful and definitely not like he was about to burst out laughing.
"I would understand if you asked again to be removed from Colonel Sheppard's gate team," she continued.
Rodney sighed. "No, no, that won't be necessary, Elizabeth. We're all rational adults. I'm sure we can put our differences behind us and act as a team."
Weir nodded. "I think that's very noble of you, Rodney."
Rodney was almost out the door when he turned around. "You didn't buy a word of that, did you?"
"Not for a second," Weir replied, her lips curling into a sneaky grin. "But as long as everybody else did, I don't think I really need to."
"Good," he said, smiling back at her before heading out the door.
[[Back on the planet of the impressivemayaname:]]
"The thing is that," Sheppard stopped, sighing. "We- the two of us-" he clarified, waving vaguely at Rodney and himself- "we're. Um. We're kind of a thing. Involved. Like people who are. Um. Together. Alone, together. Frequently. We're like a," Sheppard trailed off lamely, "thing."
"Well said," Rodney told him, unable to resist.
"You are mates?" Yax asked, his eyebrows slightly raised.
"Yes," Rodney replied, relieved. "I mean, well, obviously not in a procreative sense, but for all practical-"
"They get the point," Sheppard snapped, cutting him off.
"Please accept my apologies," Yax said. "Of course the doctor will accompany you. This is my eldest son, U'ba," he told them, indicating a young man approximately the size of a tree. "He will complete your personal guard for the duration of your stay."
"I would be honored," U'ba said, bowing.
"Oh," Sheppard replied, giving Rodney a slightly flabbergasted look. "Well, thank you very much."
"If I'd known it was going to be that easy, I could have done it a long time ago."
"Rodney," John said, drawing it out. "If it actually was that easy, we would have done it a long time ago."
"Now we just have to worry if U'ba was sent to guard us or to kill us in our sleep."
"These doors lock from the inside," John pointed out. "And anyway, Uba seems like a good kid."
"U'ba," Rodney corrected.
"That's what I said."
[[And then they fell in love, idk]]
--
Planet of the Maya
Rodney: Stupid sexy Sheppard, hoggin all the pillows
John: I will do some questionable shit which would usually fly, but will not right now cause Rodney is havin a hissy
R&J: FIGHT
R:YOU'RE A PRICK
J: YOU'RE AN ASS
R: YEAH WELL YOUR MOM DIDN'T THINK SO. LAST NIGHT
J: Wait what, my mom is like two hojillion lightyears away and also she's dead
[Sabine: FINISH HIM]
R: YOU HAVE STUPID HAIR
J: ::single tear::
The ATL
R: New team plox
Lizzy W: Lolol no, McShep otp
R: DO NOT WANT
J: DO NOT WANT EITHER
Half of ATL: lol lover's quarrel
J: You guys are asses
R: if you'll excuse me, I'm going to hang out with my girlfriend WHO IS A WOMAN
K-k-k-katie: Aww, sugarballs, you're gay for Sheppard, aren't you? It's okay- this one time, with Lieutenant Cadman-
R: HETEROSEXUAL PANIC COME RADEK LET US SHOOT GUNS
R&Z: pew pew pew
Z: dude yer gay for sheppard
R: omg no i am not
Z: are too
R: shut up you don't even speak english what do you know
Z: ...
R: ...
Z: are too
R: OMG I AM GAY FOR SHEPPARD WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL ME
J: Jesus christ, shut the fuck up, McKay, before somebody beats the crap out of both of us
Ronon and Teyla: Seriously will you two get it on already? Geez
(Teyla: offscreen sex?
Ronon: thought you'd never ask)
J: I AM IN THE MILITARY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE THIS IS MADNESS
R: MADNESS? THIS IS STAR TREK.
[Sabine: ...wtf, fingers, wtg on the unintentional commentary]
R: I MEAN, GATE. GATE IS WHAT I MEANT
J: Oh, right
Ronon: I thought this was Sliders
J: NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU RONON
T: Lolol this is ancient Athosian tradition. Is called "growing a beard"
R: WTF why do you sound like Zelenka?
J&T: Gateroom make outs!
R&J: Bedroom make outs!
Lizzy: Aww, I'm sorry, Rodney. Who would think he was straight with that hair?
R: Woe is me, etc
Lizzy: You can has new team?
R: No, no, I will suffer in an entirely manly way. Woe, woe, I am highly put upon
Lizzy: Here is a cookie. Call me if you turn straight
Planet of the Maya
J: I'm on a neverending quest to save my boyfriend!
Green: Jesus, finally, we've been waiting for you to gay up for like sixteen pages
J: DOES EVERYONE IN THIS GALAXY KNOW I'M GAY
Green: It was the hair
J: FUCK YOU TEYLA AND YOUR FLOWBEE
Green: Here is a bodyguard for your big gay adventure. His name is Bone. [To audience] This is the first fic ever with in jokes in Mayan. Your tax dollars at work, people
Bone: i watch you when you sleep
R: When did this turn into a Twilight crossover?
J: STFU, it's offworld make outs time
R: Hurrah, I can has pillows!
and then they dun sex.
~fin~
This entry was automagically crossposted from http://sabinetzin.dreamwidth.org/261821.html.
comments over there.
But what makes this story really special is that at some point, when I realized it was going to be around 5000 words, I outlined it.
In lolcat.
Accommodations
1. Circle Gets the Square
Rodney had a crick in his neck.
The impressivemayaname had some really funny ideas about interior design. As far as he could tell, the rooms they'd been given were the best on the planet. The floor plan seemed to involve a big triangular room with three doors, each with its own antechamber. They'd gotten the picture pretty quickly that Sheppard was the leader- and why did every civilization they visited think that? Except for that one very strange planet where they'd taken him for Ronon's catamite, and, boy, had that caused some fireworks- and as such, he got the big room. And, following their cultural logic, four people minus one leader equaled three bodyguards, the perfect number. And if some of them looked like they doubted Rodney's ability to guard anything but a buffet table, well, Rodney took comfort in knowing that, A, they were all going to die at relatively young ages from a lack of Western medicine, and B, he had a gun.
Rodney took comfort in the fact that their team fit so nicely into their decorating scheme and all- really, he did, because apparently it had mythical significance or something, and that made things so much easier from a negotiating standpoint. Unfortunately, he took no comfort whatsoever in his room's appointments.
There were no blankets, for a start- not so much of a hardship, since the planet stayed hot- but apparently knowledge of the pillow had yet to be brought to these people. Instead, their idea of hospitality was a plain wooden bench with a block at one end. Rodney had stared at it for fifteen minutes trying to decide whether he was supposed to put his head or his feet on it, before giving up and resting his head on his jacket.
"Why couldn't we go to a planet with pillows?"
"They didn't give you a pillow?"
"The impressivemayaname believe that vigilance is the greatest virtue," Teyla explained patiently.
"So they were trying to keep us from sleeping on purpose."
"Essentially," she allowed.
"I slept like a rock," Ronon offered.
Rodney rolled his eyes. "You are a rock."
[[Something was going to happen here that I never finished planning, but Sheppard and McKay got into a fight over something offworld.]]
"I'd like to informally request to be taken off of Colonel Sheppard's gate team."
"What?"
"I thought if we could come to an agreement, we could save on a lot of unnecessary paperwork."
"What brought this on?"
"I just don't feel I can continue working with Colonel Sheppard anymore," he said. "I recommend Dr. Zelenka as my replacement. He's more than ready to begin offworld missions."
"Rodney, Radek doesn't even know how to fire a P90."
"It's not rocket science."
"Funny."
"Rodney," she said, using her best and most diplomatic tone, which Rodney had always hated, "Things are different in Atlantis. If you're doing this because you feel it would be inappropriate for you to continue working with John because of your relationship-"
"What relationship?"
"Believe me when I say I know how unfair it is that you have to keep quiet, especially given that if John were in your military instead of ours-"
"Colonel Sheppard and I are not together," Rodney said icily.
"Rodney, I'm your friend. You don't have to pretend around me."
"Elizabeth, I'm not gay."
Weir looked at him with the same look of faint disappointment she always used on anyone she thought was being willfully ignorant. "If and when Colonel Sheppard believes your presence on his team is no longer beneficial, he will request your removal. It's his prerogative as the military commander of this mission."
Rodney crossed his arms over his chest, nostrils flaring in displeasure. "And what if I refuse to cooperate?"
"Then I'll have Sergeant Stackhouse put you in the brig until you calm down," Sheppard said from behind him.
"John," Weir said, her voice a warning, "this is a private discussion."
"This doesn't concern you," Rodney snapped in agreement, not turning around.
"Anything that concerns my team concerns me," he countered, and Rodney didn't have a response for that.
"The two of you need to work this out. I depend on you."
"I feel vaguely like I just disappointed my mother."
"I know what you mean."
Ronon didn't look up from his dinner. "You two are fucking, right?"
"I'm going to kill the Marine who taught you that word," Sheppard told him.
"And no, we're not," Rodney added, stabbing miserably at his salad.
"You should get on that," the Satedan advised, and Sheppard choked on his juice.
"Such things are not acceptable in John's culture," Teyla explained quietly.
"What's not acceptable about fucking?" he asked, sounding genuinely confused.
"All right, as much as I'd like to hear an otherworldly explication of Don't Ask, Don't Tell-" Rodney started, standing up from the table. "Actually, I don't want to hear it at all, and that's why I'm leaving. Good night."
"McKay," Sheppard drawled. "Don't be like that."
"Like what, Colonel?" he snapped.
"Oh yeah, definitely not fucking," he heard Ronon say as he left the mess. "Nobody who's getting laid could be that pissed off."
"Can we talk?"
She [[Katie Brown]] swallowed, looking less nervous than usual. "It's okay, Rodney. I already know what you're going to say."
"Oh, thank God," he sighed. "Nobody gets it, you know? Not that people not understanding is anything new or anything, but this is particularly irritating."
"This must be really hard for you," she said sympathetically.
"Everybody just wants to have a laugh at my expense, and it's getting old. And Sheppard-" Sheppard was driving him insane, honestly. What he really wanted was for Sheppard to go apeshit and start cracking heads, but he didn't know of any girlfriend-appropriate way to say that.
"Rodney," Katie said very seriously, resting her hand on his knee. "It's not right for anybody to make you feel like that, especially not Colonel Sheppard."
Feeling somewhat overcome, he gathered her into a hug. "I'm so happy to have you. I mean- really. I really am."
The evening went surprisingly well after that. They'd talked about research, about home- usual topics between them- but things seemed more relaxed than usual, somehow. He even mustered the courage to kiss her on the cheek as he left.
He finished out his evening on a balcony near his quarters, reading a book and listening to the wind whistling through the spires of the city. Rodney was in bed by 2650, which was pretty early by his standards, altogether satisfied with how his night had gone.
Rodney leapt out of bed at 2710, realizing that not only had he left his book outside, he'd also accidentally come out to his girlfriend.
Goddammit.
[[Rodney and Zelenka at the shooting range:]]
"Even if you teach me this, I am never going to like it. I will not shoot someone to save myself. It is a slippery slope."
"Will you relax? Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard would never ask you to shoot someone- that's what Ronon's for. It's just a precautionary measure. Shooting Wraith, on the other hand, you should learn to like, or at least tolerate."
"Rodney, when are the two of you going to talk?"
"I don't know what you mean," Rodney lied.
Radek rolled his eyes dismissively. "Half of Atlantis knows what I mean."
"I'm not- I'm not sure that I'm quite ready to admit anything, other than being possibly situationally bisexual." Rodney cleared his throat. "For you."
"I get it."
"You do? I mean, of course you do. What's there to get, really?"
"And I'm supposed to risk court martial because you think you might maybe be attracted to me, possibly?"
Rodney caught his wrist. "I think I'm in love with you," he said, the very words twisting him in knots.
Sheppard jerked his arm back. "Come back when you know."
Rodney knew that the worst thing he could possibly do was let Sheppard walk out on him like this. There had to be something, anything, he could say to make him turn around, to stop this thing from falling into place between them. He opened his mouth, but the words didn't come.
The door shut smoothly behind Sheppard.
Sometimes Rodney wished the doors could slam; it only seemed appropriate.
[[Here's another major part I never really planned. Rodney does something spectacularly stupid offworld (to save John?) and comes back injured and muddy.]]
"You're suspiciously quiet," Rodney told him, hissing in a breath as Carson sterilized the wound. "You might as well say it."
"Say what, Rodney?' Carson replied, concentrating on his work.
Rodney knew he was being baited, but he was feeling just miserable enough to play along. "That I'm an idiot for going."
"Oh, aye, I didn't think I needed to tell you that," he said dismissively.
"What do you want me to do with these?" Carson asked, holding up his ruined clothing.
"Throw them in the trash, would you?" he replied. "Right on top of the frayed remnants of my heterosexuality," he added, muttering to himself.
Rodney knew he must be a sight- still in scrubs, hair wet, leaning exhausted against the door frame. He kept knocking and knocking until his knuckles started complaining, but the door eventually hissed open, revealing a less than amused, obviously just woken Sheppard.
"I love you," Rodney said, sounding every bit as tired and defeated as he felt.
Sheppard rolled his eyes. "McKay-"
"I know what you're going to say," Rodney told him, cutting him off. "You're going to accuse me of telling you what you want to hear. I can't rule out the possibility that might be true, but, nevertheless, I love you." He exhaled heavily. "There. I've said it."
"I was actually going to say, 'Get out of the damn hall before somebody hears you.'"
"Oh. Right."
John stepped back to allow him in
He pulled back, his hand still resting on Sheppard's neck, their faces close together. "We're really hopeless, aren't we?" Rodney said, dissolving into laughter.
"Yeah," he agreed with a snort.
Somewhere in between one laugh and the next, Sheppard pushed their lips together again. And that- that was what he had been waiting for, what they had been clawing tooth and nail towards. Rodney didn't know what he felt, other than everything- like he was going to cry and throw up and pass out and maybe come in his pants. It felt terrifyingly, reassuringly right.
"What do you mean, 'affirm my masculinity'? I have a girlfriend, for Christ's sake!" He didn't miss the dark look Sheppard shot him. "Had. Had a girlfriend. Definitely past tense. Maybe even the pluperfect, by this point."
"Perhaps they have reason to doubt your commitment to the relationship."
"I kept potted plants for that woman!" Rodney replied. "How much more committed can you be?"
Ronon narrowed his eyes and grinned. "It's not gonna cut it. You should be fucking somebody closer to you. Somebody important."
"What have I told you about repeating the Marines?!"
"Ronon has a point. If there were evidence that one of you was," she stole a glance at John, "coupling with someone of your close acquaintance, it would be more," she paused again, maybe a bit too long to be tactful, "convincing."
"It has to be you, obviously," Rodney told her.
Teyla failed completely to look startled. "I am not sure what you mean."
"What other women am I close to? It's not like I'm going to ask Elizabeth to- to-"
"Take one for the team?" John offered.
"Right." Rodney rubbed his hands together. "Now, this is starting to come together. What should it be? Romantic candlelit dinner in your quarters? No, no, too subtle." He snapped his fingers. "No, no- on the balcony outside the gateroom. We can get the spare table out of my lab, and some food from the mess, borrow some candles- ooh, that, that blanket we picked up on M72-Y9S can do for a tablecloth- voila, one order of masculinity, coming right up."
She and John looked at one another again. "It would be better if it were spontaneous," Teyla said finally.
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Fine. Just so long as it's soon."
As it turned out, "soon" came sooner than Rodney was ready for.
The mission to M5R-903 had gone exactly as Rodney thought it would- which is to say that the pre-industrial villagers turned out to be heavily armed mercenaries with a truly impressive amount of weaponry.
They came in hot; Rodney was still firing wildly at their attackers as he fell through the Stargate.
"Good work," Weir called from the operations room. "Head to the infirmary, we'll debrief in-"
She suddenly trailed off; Rodney slowly began to realize that everyone was staring in their direction. He discreetly checked himself, making sure he didn't have any supposedly hilarious rips in his clothing this time. Everything seemed to be in order. He looked at Ronon, who was also rapt; following his eye-line, he arrived at John.
John and Teyla, to be specific. Mostly just their mouths, honestly, because that's where all the interesting action was; though Rodney was starting to get quite concerned about John's left hand.
It wasn't just a kiss. It was- it was more than a kiss. It was, at the very least, a snog. It looked, for all the world, like something that would figure prominently on the poster for the kind of movie that Rodney absolutely despised, one of those brainless American action movies where some musclebound fool with ridiculous hair saved the whole world using only a big knife and the power of some ridiculously impossible science. Teyla, who Rodney had always assumed had more shame than that, had melted so far into John's arms that she was practically dripping out of them. She still had one hand pressed against Sheppard's tac vest, though she was apparently powerless to push him away. The other hand was in his hair, pulling him closer. Sheppard held on to her like he was afraid she'd evaporate if he didn't, his arms wrapped around her in what could only be qualified as a passionate embrace.
And Jesus Christ, they were still kissing!
"Oh, that is just unbe-fucking-lievable," Rodney moaned.
Ronon managed to tear himself away, somehow, as much of a hardship as that must have been, following him toward the infirmary. "How come you get to say 'fucking' and I don't?"
"Just shut up, for Christ's sake."
"Colonel!" he heard Elizabeth shout from behind him. Served the bastard right.
John caught them up when they were almost to the infirmary. "Problem solved," he said, smirking in that infuriatingly sexy way of his.
"I saw what happened after the mission yesterday," Dr. Weir said carefully. "Rest assured I will be talking to both Teyla and Colonel Sheppard about it."
Rodney didn't respond, trying his best to look disappointed and pitiful and definitely not like he was about to burst out laughing.
"I would understand if you asked again to be removed from Colonel Sheppard's gate team," she continued.
Rodney sighed. "No, no, that won't be necessary, Elizabeth. We're all rational adults. I'm sure we can put our differences behind us and act as a team."
Weir nodded. "I think that's very noble of you, Rodney."
Rodney was almost out the door when he turned around. "You didn't buy a word of that, did you?"
"Not for a second," Weir replied, her lips curling into a sneaky grin. "But as long as everybody else did, I don't think I really need to."
"Good," he said, smiling back at her before heading out the door.
[[Back on the planet of the impressivemayaname:]]
"The thing is that," Sheppard stopped, sighing. "We- the two of us-" he clarified, waving vaguely at Rodney and himself- "we're. Um. We're kind of a thing. Involved. Like people who are. Um. Together. Alone, together. Frequently. We're like a," Sheppard trailed off lamely, "thing."
"Well said," Rodney told him, unable to resist.
"You are mates?" Yax asked, his eyebrows slightly raised.
"Yes," Rodney replied, relieved. "I mean, well, obviously not in a procreative sense, but for all practical-"
"They get the point," Sheppard snapped, cutting him off.
"Please accept my apologies," Yax said. "Of course the doctor will accompany you. This is my eldest son, U'ba," he told them, indicating a young man approximately the size of a tree. "He will complete your personal guard for the duration of your stay."
"I would be honored," U'ba said, bowing.
"Oh," Sheppard replied, giving Rodney a slightly flabbergasted look. "Well, thank you very much."
"If I'd known it was going to be that easy, I could have done it a long time ago."
"Rodney," John said, drawing it out. "If it actually was that easy, we would have done it a long time ago."
"Now we just have to worry if U'ba was sent to guard us or to kill us in our sleep."
"These doors lock from the inside," John pointed out. "And anyway, Uba seems like a good kid."
"U'ba," Rodney corrected.
"That's what I said."
[[And then they fell in love, idk]]
--
Planet of the Maya
Rodney: Stupid sexy Sheppard, hoggin all the pillows
John: I will do some questionable shit which would usually fly, but will not right now cause Rodney is havin a hissy
R&J: FIGHT
R:YOU'RE A PRICK
J: YOU'RE AN ASS
R: YEAH WELL YOUR MOM DIDN'T THINK SO. LAST NIGHT
J: Wait what, my mom is like two hojillion lightyears away and also she's dead
[Sabine: FINISH HIM]
R: YOU HAVE STUPID HAIR
J: ::single tear::
The ATL
R: New team plox
Lizzy W: Lolol no, McShep otp
R: DO NOT WANT
J: DO NOT WANT EITHER
Half of ATL: lol lover's quarrel
J: You guys are asses
R: if you'll excuse me, I'm going to hang out with my girlfriend WHO IS A WOMAN
K-k-k-katie: Aww, sugarballs, you're gay for Sheppard, aren't you? It's okay- this one time, with Lieutenant Cadman-
R: HETEROSEXUAL PANIC COME RADEK LET US SHOOT GUNS
R&Z: pew pew pew
Z: dude yer gay for sheppard
R: omg no i am not
Z: are too
R: shut up you don't even speak english what do you know
Z: ...
R: ...
Z: are too
R: OMG I AM GAY FOR SHEPPARD WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL ME
J: Jesus christ, shut the fuck up, McKay, before somebody beats the crap out of both of us
Ronon and Teyla: Seriously will you two get it on already? Geez
(Teyla: offscreen sex?
Ronon: thought you'd never ask)
J: I AM IN THE MILITARY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE THIS IS MADNESS
R: MADNESS? THIS IS STAR TREK.
[Sabine: ...wtf, fingers, wtg on the unintentional commentary]
R: I MEAN, GATE. GATE IS WHAT I MEANT
J: Oh, right
Ronon: I thought this was Sliders
J: NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU RONON
T: Lolol this is ancient Athosian tradition. Is called "growing a beard"
R: WTF why do you sound like Zelenka?
J&T: Gateroom make outs!
R&J: Bedroom make outs!
Lizzy: Aww, I'm sorry, Rodney. Who would think he was straight with that hair?
R: Woe is me, etc
Lizzy: You can has new team?
R: No, no, I will suffer in an entirely manly way. Woe, woe, I am highly put upon
Lizzy: Here is a cookie. Call me if you turn straight
Planet of the Maya
J: I'm on a neverending quest to save my boyfriend!
Green: Jesus, finally, we've been waiting for you to gay up for like sixteen pages
J: DOES EVERYONE IN THIS GALAXY KNOW I'M GAY
Green: It was the hair
J: FUCK YOU TEYLA AND YOUR FLOWBEE
Green: Here is a bodyguard for your big gay adventure. His name is Bone. [To audience] This is the first fic ever with in jokes in Mayan. Your tax dollars at work, people
Bone: i watch you when you sleep
R: When did this turn into a Twilight crossover?
J: STFU, it's offworld make outs time
R: Hurrah, I can has pillows!
and then they dun sex.
~fin~
This entry was automagically crossposted from http://sabinetzin.dreamwidth.org/261821.html.
